The Peace Whisperer
Helping people find
calm in the chaos
and
serenity in the storm
Are you a woman in ministry who is barely keeping her head above water? Do your current challenges sometimes knock you under the waves and roll you along leaving you disoriented and exhausted? I used to feel that way A LOT. Would you take ten minutes with me and let me share some stories and thoughts that might encourage you?
I live near Lake Michigan and love to body surf on what we call “big wave days.” These involve high winds, and 4 to 5 feet waves close to the shoreline. Just like regular surfers with boards, we wait for a wave to curl just right and throw our bodies out into it to see if we can ride it to shore.
Body surfing is fantastic when you catch the wave right. It’s terrifying when you don’t and are tumbled head over heels along the bottom of the lake, carried along by the riptide. Your goal at that point is to find “Up.” When you do, you are often far from where you caught the wave, breathless and confused.
Isn’t that exactly what circumstances in life and ministry can feel like?
One minute you’re surfing along then, Boom. A wave hits you unexpectedly and over and over you go.
You, your spouse or child are diagnosed with a serious illness.
People in the church who once loved you turn against you or leave the church.
A significant financial setback happens in your personal or ministry finances.
Your spouse is unfaithful (very complicated when this happens to those in the ministry)
Natural disasters hit your home or church.
Attendance goes down or involvement levels drop in your ministry.
What challenges right now are threatening to drown you?
Just like ocean waves, I’ve noticed troubles come in pairs or groups. Here’s two of my tidal waves.
Being repeatedly hospitalized with acute pregnancy illness at the same time my husband and I became so discouraged in the church where we served, we considered leaving the ministry entirely. Our lead pastor, and Ken’s boss, at that time, “mentored” my husband and me by periodically creating lists of all our failings, as the lead pastor perceived them. He rarely praised us. Years later, we realized he was navigating a midlife crisis himself. Our popularity in the congregation felt like a threat. We were very young. We believed every criticism. We accepted his opinions that we didn’t dress right, speak right, teach right, or lead right.
Undergoing a complete hysterectomy, back in the days when recovery time was six weeks, while I served as the minister of music in our church under Ken as the lead pastor. We had three unique Sunday services, each one needing a different music set. At the same time, my dearly loved grandmother, who I had worked with side by side for years in our family’s floral business, was enduring the agony of a slow death by cancer in my hometown two hours away. And I should mention that my sweet daughter was a busy four-year-old that year.
These are only two of the seasons in my life when it seemed like life’s currents might take me under. Everyone goes through seasons of suffering, loss, grief and change because that is part of a fallen world.
How do we keep from drowning?
How do we keep from quitting?
How can we prevent a complete emotional breakdown?
Here’s some strategies that kept my head above the wild waters. I hope they can encourage you too. These are not new ideas, but I will testify that they work. You already know how to do these things. I’m here to encourage and remind you to do them.
Lash yourself to God’s Word. DO NOT skip your quiet times. And in the quiet, alone place, ask God for specific promises that will become special to you during this time. For example, Isaiah 43:2 is precious to me because it became a reality during some dark days.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
I speak that verse to my soul in my own words. I say things like, “These are some rough waters I’m going through, but God is here, and he won’t let me drown, no matter how bad it gets. I. Will. Not. Drown.”
Pour out all your words to your heavenly Father. Talk to him every time your stomach clenches, when you feel like you can’t get a deep breath. Cry out to him when your mind and emotions are jumbled/
And whatever you are feeling whether it’s fear, anger, depression, jealousy, confusion, or something else. Don’t stuff it down. Maybe right now, the waters you are in are so deep that all you can do is cry during your prayer time. Cry. Psalm 56:8 is also precious to me.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Consider seeing a Christian counselor. Thank God for the wise and wonderful counselors God led me to during various seasons. These beautiful humans helped me name and validate emotions and stress responses. They taught me valuable tools to cope with long-term trials and short term but devastating ones. Many Christian counseling centers offer sliding pay scales.
And if I may meddle a bit, when you are going through something deep, you can unintentionally wear out your close friends and family with your need to talk and process. This is one of the reasons why counselors are one of God’s good gifts to the body of Christ.
Be authentic with close friends or mentors. Tidal wave seasons will reveal your true friends. Sadly, some people cannot bear the weight of going through life’s messes with you. They are probably carrying a heavy inner load of unresolved stuff themselves. I know it hurts when people who you thought were good friends drift away from you during a storm, but I’ve learned it’s good in the long run. Relationships become clarified and you learn to be more selective with your inner circle. We don’t need 10 intimate friends. Be grateful for one or two. Remember, John was THE ONLY disciple that stayed by the cross.
Give your prayer warriors specific requests. Just shoot them a text or message. “I’m struggling with depression today.” “I’m so angry, please pray I can process it and not sin.” That’s what my texts sound like. Honest. Usually brief. Sometimes though, I will send a much longer text to one of my closest friends, pouring out my pain in words. For me, putting it in writing helps and the words of affirmation and love that always come back help a lot.
Do fun things with friends and family. Play a game of foursquare with your kids or watch a funny movie or do SOMETHING that creates laughter. Laughter changes your body chemistry and does make you feel better. I know with certainty that the fun friends we had in one particularly challenging church are what kept my sanity during the rough times. Euchre tournaments with silly prizes, camping trips, beach and sea doo days and other activities always lifted our hearts.
Try putting your thoughts and feelings into written words in a private journal. Do not worry about grammar and punctuation. Free write whatever comes into your mind. This can be so helpful in naming vague emotions. Journaling will also bring up the stuff that’s lurking in the dark corners of your heart sometimes. Stuff you didn’t realize was in there. Then, sometimes I physically hold up my journal to God and say something like, “Here’s where I’m at God. Teach me what you want me to know and show me what you want me to see. Purify my heart. Keep me from sinning in this painful place.” God loves to draw near a broken, humble heart.
Sweet sister, God is holding you up when you think you might be going under. He will reorient and stabilize you when life spins you around. If you have some more ideas to help other ministry sisters through hard times, please share them on my Facebook post in the comments section so others can be encouraged too. And please share this post with your ministry friends. You might be surprised at the heavy loads many of us are secretly carrying.