Working through conflict is painful, like surgery.
Even though we may end up with a better understanding with someone, our soul may feel ongoing pain from the incisions made by sharp words and just or unjust criticism.
Strong opinions can be weaponized unintentionally.
Like a surgical wound and all the tissues around it need time to heal, our hearts and minds may need time to feel comfortable again around someone with whom we cross verbal swords. I wish it weren’t this way, but it is.
And that is why we avoid conflict and conflict resolution.
We don’t want someone to dislike us for our beliefs or behaviors.
We don’t want to be in pain.
We don’t want to be rejected.
We don’t want to bear the burden of someone’s anger.
So, what do we do instead? We become peacekeepers. The dictionary defines a peacekeeper as, “a member of a force or organization that actively works to stop or prevent conflict between nations or communities.”
Peacekeepers play a key role in society. Their presence makes evil actors think twice about creating mayhem and starting wars. However, being a peacekeeper in relationships can mean that conflict is ignored. People can start to feel like their views and feelings don’t matter because they are unacknowledged.
Preventing conflict is different from resolving it.
When anger and disagreement are ignored, they simmer in the soul. You may be able to keep a pot of soup simmering for hours without ruining the soup or the pot, but at some point, the pot is going to boil over or the soup is going to dry out.
Emotions that are stuffed will simply come out sideways.
We blow up over small frustrations. We can become crusty and hard, like the soup.
More importantly, Jesus didn’t ask us to be peacekeepers. In Matthew 5:9 he challenged us to be peacemakers. According to Strong’s Greek concordance, the Greek word for peacemaker, “eirénopoios” means, “someone who actively works to establish peace, harmony, and reconciliation among individuals or groups. In the New Testament, it is used to describe those who foster peace and are blessed for their efforts in creating unity and resolving conflicts.” Resolving conflicts.
Maybe you haven’t noticed but it seems like conflicts are everywhere in our culture and in the church right now. People are unfriending each other and cutting off relationships just as they did during the COVID days. Good grief.
What can we do when people express angry and explosive views to us that are wildly different than what we believe?
What do we do when someone goes off on us because something we’ve done or said sparks a fire in them?
How do we know which when to wade into a conflict and when to walk away?
How do we know when to walk away permanently, from people who want to continue to fight and are not interested in resolution?
These are questions we must wrestle with because Jesus encountered all of these situations and behaved perfectly every time. We are part of his family. What if we upped our game as to how the kingdom family speaks and acts within conflicts? What if we stopped hiding from awkward, painful conversations that are the stuff that peacemaking is made of?
My purpose today is not to give a comprehensive guide to resolving conflict. In upcoming articles I’ll share my small bit of knowledge on that. My purpose today is to challenge you to stop running, hiding, and stuffing when you disagree with someone.
To close, check out this story from Christ’s life found in Matthew 12:9-15. Ask yourself, “Am I running away from a conflict when God is calling me to become a peacemaker in that situation?”
Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, “Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?” (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.)
11 And he answered, “If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn’t you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath.”
13 Then he said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So, the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus.
15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So, he left that area, and many people followed him.
Jesus knew when to speak, when to stay silent and when to walk away. May God help us take our peacemaking roles seriously. May he help us become light bearers in the dark corners of unspoken arguments. May he grant us the wisdom to discern when to make a stand and when to walk away.
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